Why aren't you married?

This is a question that I'm asked constantly, and quite frankly, I'm sick of it. When I meet someone for the first time and they find out that I'm a 31 year old female, living in Utah, and not married, the first thing out of their mouth is that question. I used to find it humorous that a complete stranger would be brazen enough to ask me this question, so I would respond with an equally funny response. Something like, "I haven't figured it out yet, but it is either the hump on my back or my table manners".

The worst, though, is when I'm on a first date with a guy and over dinner he decides to pose that question. This has happened a few times, and I'm always a little uncomfortable with it. Should I be funny? Should I be honest? Should I tell him I really don't know? Once again, I usually opt for the funny response and pose a question back to him, "Do you know what a goiter is?". If he knows what one is, we both have a good laugh and the awkward moment passes. If he doesn't, the awkward moment continues while I try to explain what one is, why it is funny, and that I really don't have a goiter problem.

If people understood how much this question hurts those of us that are single, older, and active in the Church, they would never utter that question again. It's as if they think I made a choice to be single and because the Church is all about families, how could I possibly choose to be single and selfish?

Most of the time, the conversation about my marital status usually ends with the other individual telling me I need to have more faith. This makes me even more upset. How do they know the level of my faith? And why is the level of my faith the determining factor to whether or not I get married? There are thousands of people with a tremendous amount of faith that have never had the opportunity to get married. And there are thousands of people with no faith that get married. Once again, they are insulting me, because it is my faith in a loving Heavenly Father that gets me through most days, especially when I have to talk to ignorant individuals that ask me that question.

So you can see why I used to think that there was something wrong with me, and that was why I wasn't married. Was I not faithful enough? Was I not pretty enough? Did I have something to learn before I could get married? Quite a few people told me I wasn't married because I needed to learn patience. Give me a break! Once again, just like faith, patience is not a requirement for marriage.

It's only been within the last year that I have started to figure out why I'm not married yet. Here's what I have come up with. I'm not married yet because I'm not supposed to be married yet. I believe that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and my life. And right now, it's not in His plan for me to be married. So, as much as I'd like to be married, who am I to tell the Lord that the plan I have for myself is better than what he has in store for me?

Each time I'm asked the question of why I'm not married, I feel that the person is diminishing my purpose in life. Marriage is important, as well as having children and bringing them up in the gospel. But just because I'm not married doesn't mean that my life doesn't have purpose and meaning. I'm blessed to have a great job, I've had wonderful experiences because of Church callings I've held, and I've met amazing people who have become great friends, all because I'm single. So don't tell me my life doesn't have purpose.

I have chosen to place my faith in a loving Heavenly Father who knows what is best for me, rather than in the hope that I'll one day get married. Who knows? I may never get married, but that's okay. I'll still have a good life and hopefully make a difference.

"Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now,
you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are"
- Bon Jovi - "Welcome to Wherever You Are"