Compensatory Graces

I had the opportunity this evening to attend a fireside where S. Michael Wilcox was speaking.   As soon as I heard he was the speaker, I knew that I had to be there.  In March of 2010 I was able to travel to Jordan, Egypt, and Israel with a tour group and for that particular tour, Brother Wilcox was the educator.  For 2 weeks I listened to him share the history of those countries, accounts from the life of the Savior, and lessons we could learn from that area of the world.  Brother Wilcox's wife, Laurie, was also there, and she was an amazing woman.  So kind and thoughtful!  Unfortunately, just after we returned home, Laurie was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor.  She passed away just 7 short months later.

Fast forward to this evening, where, just 11 months after the passing of his beloved wife, Brother Wilcox was the guest speaker at a Single Adult Fireside.  A fireside, which ended up being one of the best I've ever attended, and one I really needed at this time in my life.  I've been feeling so alone and so aware lately of the fact that I'm not married.  During the darkest times, I often wonder if anyone cares.  Can anyone see me?  Do I matter to anyone?

Brother Wilcox started off by mentioning a phrase found in the opening hymn we had just sung, "How Firm a Foundation", in verse two it says, 'in every condition'.  There are many of us in conditions that we did not choose or that we don't want to be in.  Some are divorced, some are widowed, some have never been married.  But although we might not be in a state of happiness right now, that doesn't mean we are unhappy, just that we are in a state of waiting.

I think this sums up perfectly how I have been feeling lately.  I am often reminded how blessed I am, but there is always that thought in the back of my mind that something is missing.  And recognizing my blessings does not equate to being in a state of happiness.  I can count my blessings all day, but that will only make me grateful, not give me that state of happiness that I desire.  And don't give me that line about "if you aren't happy now, then you won't be happy when you are married".  I'm a happy person, I like to laugh and enjoy life.  But if I'm being honest with myself, how can I be in a state of happiness when I know something is missing from my life?  When I'm constantly reminded that I'm not married?  That I have no children?  The gospel is centered around families and I believe that it is through families that our greatest happiness comes.

Brother Wilcox then asked "so what do we do until we find ourselves in the condition we'd like to be in?"   He gave some good advice that started with a quote from Eve, "it's better for us to pass through sorrow".  Brother Wilcox reminded us that there's movement in that statement, it's not permanent, it's as if we are just 'passing through'.  Although we are just passing through sorrow, we need to stay on the path, as every good thing is on the path.

He then gave us some reminders from the scriptures of what we should do while we make that passage through sorrow.

1. 1 Kings 19:4  - We can't sit under the Juniper tree.  - we must act.  do something.  Don't linger as we pass through sorrow.   In verse 12 we are reminded that the voice of God comes to us in a still small voice because he is right by us
2. Turn outward - John 12:27 - Jesus was 'troubled', but who comforts who?  When he was troubled he looked outward for others who may be troubled and that he could help.  
3. Watch with me - Matthew 26:38 - the Savior needed human contact, to see a face, to hear a voice.  When we are troubled, sometimes we just need people to 'watch with us'.  To just be there with us, to pray for, and with us.
4. Your heart changes when you look upon the burdens of others - Exodus 2:11 - Moses went out unto his brethren and looked upon their burdens.  How does the Lord choose to deliver us sometimes?  He sends one of us to relieve burdens, just like he sent Moses.
5. He will turn all negatives to positives - Romans 8, 2 Nephi 2 - he will consecrate our afflictions
6. It isn't the spot of ground we are planted in that matters.  It's the nourishment that we receive from God that matters - Jacob 5 - v. 22 - counsel me not - He knew it was a poor spot, but he nourished it.  Whatever spot of ground we are in, he will nourish it.
7. Learn from the journey
8. We will receive compensatory graces.  Elder Bednar has called these 'tender mercies'.  
9. The promise of adversities is that they'll all be over one day.  When the Savior returned to the Tomb, and found Mary, he called out to her, "Mary, why weepest thou?"  In that moment, sorrow ended and joy began.  

Brother Wilcox concluded with some very tender stories about compensatory graces he had received after the death of his wife.  The Lord was clearly mindful of him and his sorrow, just as he is with all of us, regardless of our condition.

He ended by again reminding us that we'll all enter the state of happiness if we just stay on the path.  Every good thing is on the path.

There are a couple of things that stood out and really touched me.  One is the fact that sometimes we just need human interaction, someone to 'watch with us'.  We need to feel that we matter, that someone is willing to take the time to just be with us or to pray for us.  The second is that we will receive those compensatory graces.  The Lord is aware of us and our conditions, and he will bless our lives and remind us of his love as progress on our journey.  Even if no one else can see us, he sees us.  He knows our trials, our hearts, and he will always give us the nourishment we need.